[NOTE: This article is part of a continuing series. If you are seeking help recovering from your own abortion, you will receive the most benefit if you begin reading with the first article, Streams of Life archives, December 1999.]

It was a hot night that July 4th. Some friends and I were cruising the streets and stopped by a popular hamburger place to cool off with a coke over ice and see what cute guys might be there. Someone threw a cherry bomb just as I stepped out of the car and it exploded on my leg. It was quite painful and bled for some time. It certainly ruined my fun for the evening and left a dent in my leg that has always been a reminder of what an explosion out of control can do. I have kept my distance from fireworks ever since. I have also run away from explosive anger, and therefore never really learned how to deal with angry people.

Our anger can express itself in much this same way if we are not in control of our emotions. Anger is a very powerful emotion that can be destructive to many. But, my dear friend, anger can also destroy the one who is angry. Anger turned inward can harm us emotionally and physically. My anger affected me in both ways.

I was so very angry with myself for not being strong enough to refuse the abortion when I knew in my heart it was the wrong thing to do. I punished myself daily. I didn’t think I deserved any happiness. I felt unlovable and didn’t allow myself to be loved even though that was the thing I was crying out for the most. My heart was aching for love but I had a bitter spirit that ran everyone away.

Anger destroys our relationships and most importantly our relationship with God. Our anger usually causes us to sin because most of the time it is not righteous anger. We usually blow up when we don’t get things our way. When we discover that we can have our way by shouting or showing anger in some way then we will use this trick to get our way the next time and the next. This learned way of anger can become a habit with us and grow stronger with time. This anger puts a wedge between others and us. It can make us lonely and miserable. The outcome of our sinful anger is not at all what we meant to accomplish. Ephesians 4:26: tells us to "Be ye angry, and sin not..." and Proverbs 29:22: tells us that "…a hot temper leads to many sins." This sin separates us from God. It leaves us empty and alone.

"My dear [sisters], take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does." (James 1:19-25)

Yes, our anger can be controlled. "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." (Proverbs 29:11) Have you ever been in a heated argument and had the phone ring? You probably answered it with a sweet voice as if everything were merry in your home. Then after hanging up the phone you continued the argument or perhaps you realized how awful you had sounded and stopped. We don’t have to act as we did before we became God’s children for "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away and the new has come." (II Corinthians 5:17)

We must "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to (our) earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." (Colossians 3:5-10) As we put off our old nature we must replace it with our new nature. We learn to be more like Jesus as we study God’s word. "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Colossians 3:12-14)

It breaks my heart to think of the many times I have been ugly to my mother because I somehow blamed her for the predicaments I found myself in. My mother has loved me and stood by me when no one else did. How could I have been so cruel in my sinful nature? I’m sure I must have hurt her terribly. She is a loving woman and I know that she forgives me. She shows God’s love and mercy daily in her life. She is the perfect example of: "A gentle answer turns away angry feelings." (Proverbs 15:1)

I was angry with the man who performed the abortion. He was just a sinner such as I. It’s the sin we must hate and not the sinner. When we hold on to our anger it forms bitterness in our hearts that can be very destructive.

It takes great self-control to stop our sinful anger but God does not ask us to do anything that He doesn’t give us the means to accomplish. So… "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (Colossians 3:15-17)

Dear friend, pray Psalm 19:14 with me: "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."